Prologue

It was important to me to have this final trip tracing my background with both of my sons, Avi and Zion. I didn't know all the details of my journey and needed to put together all of the pieces of the puzzle. I also didn't know where exactly the Nazi's had taken my family and me during WWII. It was the last time I had seen them, and it was necessary for me to understand the bigger picture. For me this was a top priority.

That period of my life was a "black hole" for me; a time which had been psychologically repressed for many years. It was an unresolved period of my life. But over time I began to feel an emptiness creeping up inside; a void that needed to be filled. I didn't know it then, but now, 60 years after the fact, I realized that that feeling was stimulated by the tremendous loss I experienced so many years ago.

My entire family, with the exception of my older brother Yehuda, was killed in the Holocaust.

I remained all alone in the world, but I had the power to continue living. I felt as if there was some entity watching over me, something that did not let me fall and give up on life, but had helped me continue my journey in life. I had a difficult and demanding task which had to be made in order to close this cycle, once and for all. Every person has his or her own destiny, and we can't escape it, we have to make the best of our life.

The time has come for me to return to my past and confront my fears, and the shadows that haunted me for so many years.

It was like an open wound that never healed; it was painful and wouldn't let go. The first reason I went on this quest was because I felt like I had to free myself from that pain - that there was no other way to find relief. My soul and peace of mind were entangled with immense pain, and so many questions that did not find answers, like a stone heavy on my heart.

The second reason was that I wanted to prove to my sons that the stories were real, that it was not just a figment of my imagination. It was crucial for them to go through this journey with me to understand where I came from, and what I've been through.

I kept it clean and did not distort any piece of information, not in the places or feelings I remembered. My signs were clear and direct. I was not always able to confirm the names of the exact sites or locations I had been to since I didn't know where I was, and had been told nothing by those around me throughout the ordeal. But after we searched for the places I had mentioned, we were able to find them. We also occasionally found evidence that I was indeed there. Those were the main reasons why I had to go back to that cursed part of my past and seek evidence and answers, despite being torturous... even after 60 years. To me all the emotions were vivid, as if time had stood still.

Even so, I had felt that this journey with my sons was the most important thing we could do. Throughout our journey we met many good people who helped us, among them was our Polish guide, Tomash, who spoke fluent Hebrew and had vast knowledge of the area's geography and history. We could not thank him enough for all his help on this trip. Without him we wouldn't have managed to function in Poland. In order to operate effectively there, you have to speak Polish, which none of us could do. Tomash saved us and functioned as our voice, he made the trip much more pleasant than I'd expected.

Along the way we also encountered a number of people who verified my story about certain sites, which reassured me that I was right. On our journey we also met with a Polish reporter and an historian who both contributed their knowledge to our quest, and verified other locations from my stories.

I found the work camp where I was held, and the one where I was released, as well as the list of names of my parents, siblings and myself. These files, written 60 years ago, made me so emotional, but I was so glad to have found them. They alone were worth the trip! I felt relieved in a way. On our journey to the concentration camps, archives and cemeteries, I felt as if angels were leading our way so that we would succeed. If this was not enough proof, then what would be?

I felt relieved as if a huge weight that had rested on my chest for so many years had finally disappeared. Suddenly, I could take a deep breath again.

It isn't easy to go through such a tough journey. In doing so, you open old wounds and deal with an emotionally charged situation; your heart bleeds again. If I wasn't strong enough, I wouldn't have been able to go through this, but I knew that I had to. I pictured my family, my loved ones who had passed, and tried to imagine them clearly.

Sadly, I didn't have any pictures of them; they were all taken away by the Nazis. The only memorable picture I had was from my mother, sitting with her sisters. That picture is hung on our wall as the only visual memory of the family I had. The last remaining pictures I managed to hold onto were taken away from me while I was boarding the "Hahagana" in 1946. They made us tear the pictures apart in order for us to leave no memory or evidence of where we came from. For that, I will never forgive the ship's commander who gave that order. I had to destroy the only picture I had of my parents and by doing so was left with no physical memorabilia of them.

Many memories flash in my mind; I realize that I had missed so much in my life. I barely had a childhood, and had little physical and emotional development. I was left all alone in this world. Even though 60 years have passed since, I find it hard to understand how I survived, or how I went through all of it mostly alone. I ask where all the people were during WWII. Where was humanity and how could they stand by and let that happen? Did they not hear our cry, were we invisible? People remained passive; even after all our suffering, those who survived had to take care of themselves. No one helped or consoled us.

I did not appreciate it when someone would ask me why I had to pass this 'burden' onto my sons and carry them with me on this journey, which was obviously not an easy one. But on the contrary, I did not force anyone to join me; my sons initiated this trip so I would find relief and be able to move on. It was as important for them to do this as it was for me.

This journey did not change much of my relationship between my sons and me. We respect each other and are together for better or worse; united. We may have our difference in opinions and ambitions, but we are a network of support for each other.

For those Holocaust survivors who want to go on a journey to trace their path, I recommend going with family and loved ones, but only after having serious conversations with them and asking if this trip would be something they see themselves going through, as it is very tough and emotional.

If they choose to decline, let them. If it is done by force, they may never forgive you for it. I'm pleased I went on this trip with my sons, not only for me as a person but also for the State of Israel, and the Israeli nation. It was an important accomplishment. This should have happened many years ago.

It's a shame, as so many Holocaust survivors have passed away by not doing the same, and our generation is steadily fading away. It is important to preserve these amazing stories and keep the memory alive. There is a reason we survived: to tell our story to future generations.

There is the phrase 'better late than never.' But I say, if this generation is fading away you will miss out on the moment. Time is slipping away and you might miss this opportunity.

It's sad there are those who deny the Holocaust; as if 6 million died in vain. If that is the case, what will happen when our generation dies? The memory and understanding of what led to that radical period in history is important. From what I recall, since Israel was established in 1948, many Holocaust survivors wanted to forget that period and have chosen not to speak about it; others were traumatized; and there was also fear of being mocked, or of not being accepted by society. I think there should have been more willingness to listen to these stories, to encourage those people to tell theirs.

I speak from my own experience, I was really hurt. It's hard not to remember that time, but we have to be strong and make the best of what's left of our lives. We have to remember the good moments in life, not just the bad. Otherwise what's the point in living?

I'm married to Yechezkel Cohen, who was born in Persia (Iran) and raised in Israel. Thanks to him, we created a family unit and raised our two children, Avi and Zion, who now have their own families; each with three daughters. Yechezkel helped and supported me as much as he could throughout our life together. It was not always easy for him either since he was left an orphan at a very young age.

Despite the difficulties, we both managed to overcome the hard times by sticking together and supporting each other. We knew life was hard and started from scratch, both working and making a living on our own, with no financial support or help from anyone. But we had hope and knew that the good times would overcome the bad times. We tried to give our sons the best childhood possible, a lot of love and affection and, of course, good communication.

We are very thankful we have a healthy family, our kids succeeded in life with a career and a family that loves them, our work here was worth it. There is no greater satisfaction than to know we survived and made it to where we are today; all with bare hands and hard work. We are proud to live in Israel as free people, and not afraid to be Jewish. Both our sons served in the IDF and love this country. I hope the Israeli people and the Jews around the world won't let the Holocaust occur again, this horror must not repeat itself.

I closed this cycle and my son Zion wrote about my journey. He and Avi will continue this legacy and remind their children to remind their children: life in Israel is not to be taken for granted. We worked hard to get here and the price was high.

The journey for the second time was hard for me; I needed to prepare myself emotionally. I felt as if I owed it to myself, to my family that died in the Holocaust, to my family in Israel and to Israel and the Israeli people, and for the sake of history. I had to act to make sure this horror wouldn't repeat itself.

We have to keep working on our life here in Israel, now that there is a safe country for the Jews to live their lives. Though we have other difficulties, life is good here and we should not take it for granted. Even though we can't turn back time, or change history, we need to learn from it and create a better future. The saying, "Where there's a will, there's a way" is true in my case. Hope helped me survive, and I'm grateful to have lived my life to its fullest.

Sincerely,

Sarah Cohen

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